When it comes to little kids, there are lots of rules to follow while parenting. These rules are in place so we don’t have to experience the short temper or strong form of justice that comes with kids. Old enough to know better and not quite ready for organized crime, this gray area is also too young for us to let our guard down. At the same time, though, I have four ways I handle my 3-year-old when it comes to things that just aren’t acceptable.
Rule No. 1 – Say “YES” more often than you say “NO.”
When it comes to kids, there’s one thing that I know for sure. It’s this:
Say “yes” more often than you say “no.”
And I mean it. If you want to raise happy, confident kids who are secure in their own skin, then you need to allow them to explore the world and use their imaginations. You need to let them fail sometimes and learn from their mistakes. And you need to give them the freedom to be themselves, even if they aren’t being exactly who you had in mind.
I have this 3 simple rules when it comes to my kids, and I try hard every day not to break them:
1) Don’t lie or make promises that you can never keep. Kids see through you., so don’t be afraid to be straight with them. They can handle the truth better than you think they can.
2) Cry with them when they are hurt — figuratively or literally. Then help them learn from the experience and move forward. (This is my personal favorite rule.)
3) Don’t ever tell them what they can or cannot do only because of their gender, age, or anything else outside
Rule No.2 – Time Out Is Not A Good Solution.
The child is not in the wrong place when you put him there, he is in the wrong place because he got himself there. If he’s in time out, you’re basically saying: “You do not know how to control yourself, so I will make you sit here until you learn.” The message that sends is that there’s something wrong with him and he needs to change. But the problem isn’t him; it’s his behavior. The only thing he needs to change is his behavior.
Children are very smart. They can tell when an adult doesn’t mean what they say. If an adult tells a child, “Don’t do that,” and then lets them continue to do it again and again, the child will learn quickly that they are never going to listen to that adult again — because they never have before!
I don’t believe in punishment as a general rule. My job as a parent is to teach my children what’s important in life: how to be happy, how to love other people, how to care about other people and how not to hurt others on purpose. None of those things require punishment for them because no one does any of those things on purpose!
Rule No.3 – If my child can’t learn from it, I won’t do it.
Children learn by seeing and doing. What they see us do is far more effective than what we say. We teach our kids how to behave by demonstrating appropriate behavior. If our children observe us gossiping, lying, bullying or acting unkindly toward others, they will learn that those behaviors are acceptable. Likewise, if we treat people with kindness and respect, they will emulate this behavior as well.
I use discipline as an opportunity to teach self-regulation skills.
Scolding has its place in parenting (sometimes you have to stop a behavior quickly), but it doesn’t help a child make better choices next time or help them understand how their actions affect others. When I am disciplining my children, I use it as an opportunity to coach them on how to regulate their emotions and behaviors when faced with a similar situation in the future. It also gives me the chance to explain why and what.
Rule No.4 – Make sure the important things stay important.
Teaching kids is an art. You can’t just give them information and expect that they’ll know how to apply it or use it in the future. You have to help them make connections and transform the information into wisdom that will become part of who they are.
Parents, grandparents, teachers, and other adults have a unique opportunity to share wisdom with kids. As kids grow older, they’ll be bombarded by a lot of information that isn’t as valuable as the wisdom you can offer. Whether it’s about faith, money, relationships, or any other area of life, you can help kids learn the wisdom that will help guide their decisions and actions for years to come.
Here’s how:
1. Have clearly defined priorities in your family.
2. Establish routines in your home that reinforce those priorities every day.
3. When you have time together, focus on the things most important to you and your family so you’re helping kids build wisdom.
I’d love to hear how your parenting style differs from mine, or if you have additional rules that help you be more mindful. Of course, I want my kids to be smart and independent, but I also want them to feel loved and supported. If that means I encourage them to build a fort instead of doing her homework half the time, then that’s perfectly fine with me—as long as they can ultimately understand the responsibilities of a thoughtful life.
View Comments (0)